The Onesie
The Magic Onesie.

The magic onesie belongs to Slyde's son who was born during May of the 2006 season. The first time he wore the onesie was during the June 14th game against the Milwaukee Brewers. That game saw Elizardo Ramirez, Todd Coffey, and Chris Hammond throw 11 shutout innings and Adam Dunn hit a 3-run, walk-off home run, breaking a five-game losing streak for the Reds. A week later, he wore it again in the amazing 6-5 comeback victory against the Mets (also the Suck It, Duaner! game).

Because of a move and travelling to Atlanta, the onesie did not get worn again until July 9th. During that time, the Reds were just 6-10. On the 9th, the story was reported as follows:

I've told you all before about my son and his lucky Reds outfit (the Reds are 2-0 when he wears it). Well, my mother-in-law put his outfit on him just before the sixth inning while she watched him and the game at the hotel. Shortly after Dunn's home run, he pooped all over the outfit. He claims it was a metaphor for the last nine games (I reminded him that he was 8 weeks old). She had to take the outfit off of him and the rally was snuffed out. Methinks there are special powers in that outfit.

The onesie saw action again on August 5th, while his mom and dad were at the park watching the game. The Reds won on a Brandon Phillips home run in the bottom of the 8th, and the onesie went to 3-0 when worn for the entire game.

The onesie was tried again on August 7th. While Slyde was at the game, his wife dressed the kid in the onesie, but the score was already 5-0. That was just too much of a defecit for even the magic onesie to overcome and the Reds lost 13-1.

A week later, the onesie was tried one last time while the Reds were just 1.5 games out at the start of an important series with the Cardinals. In the bottom of the second, the kid once again pooped out of his diaper onto the onesie. Shortly afterwards the Cardinals took a 1-0 lead and went on to win 5-0.

Slightly before the ill-fated West Coast Trip, the onesie was retired and replaced with 2 new, larger onesies. But, alas, it was not enough and the Reds fell apart in California and watched their playoff hopes diminish over the horizon.

Next season, Red Reporter will be offering onesies to all newborns.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.5 License.